How Your Body Language Will Determine the Success of the Whole Family Team
After writing an article about the type of language to use with children I felt that it would be helpful for parents to also know how massively their Body Language can make a really positive difference! I know my Mentor is looking forward to reading this one too!
In this article you will actually learn a bit about My Story too. It was the incongruence between the words and body-language of my parents that set me on this quest to understand human-nature and how to use it to be holistically successful.
Interestingly during my late teens (17/18 years old) I went through a sensitive period; I realised during my early twenties that it was because I picked-up very clearly on body language signals and what it conveyed about people thoughts. Reading about Body Language has been especially helpful for me as I now know how to use it to my advantage.
Body Language in my mind is probably one of the main “keys to success”. Those who master it, or who are at least aware of it enough to know the difference it can make, are much more successful and happy than those who are unaware. For me knowledge about Body Language has three main benefits for the whole “Family Team”. These are; finding the right partner for you, enjoying a happy and lasting relationship and how you interact with your children. I will write a few paragraphs on each.
I also feel that I should first mention that for me, the Body Language Expert is ex FBI Agent Joe Navarro. His book; What Every Body is Saying (great pun!) is really insightful. Allen and Barbara Pease also provide a lot of useful insights in their books.
Finding the Right Partner for You: This is something I’ve sort to learn about because for me it’s crucial to not just find a great guy, but a great guy who is as “right for me” as I am for him – if that makes sense. It also connects to “My Story” very significantly as it was the trigger that set me on my journey to become The Family Team Coach. I bought a couple of Christian Carter CD’s (NB you can learn more at www.catchhimandkeephim.com) as I liked the vibe I had from him. The other experts featured also had a great vibe about them too, (Karinna Kittles Karsten, Carol Allan, Patty Contenta, Marie Forleo and Dr Amir).
One of the first points Christian Carter puts forward on his CD, Natural and Lasting Attraction is that people who seem to “get it” in life are the people who recognised the unwritten, unspoken language that is transmitted through our bodies and voice-tone etc. These people tend to be the most successful and they are better able to read situations and thus turn them to their advantage. In my previous article I also mentioned the importance of voice-tone in connection to helping children learn the meaning of what you’re saying. When it comes to choosing a partner your voice-tone give clues to what “type” of person you are. Are you calm individual? How do you handle pressure; does your voice-tone have a tendency to rise a little? As this could be a subconscious detraction to a potentially great partner. This is another point Christian Carter makes; it’s all very subconscious and often people don’t really know why the feel a particular way. This is especially true with men (ladies, an advantage here!!).
The great news is, as I mentioned in the opening, my whole Story begins with the inconsistencies in my parents body-language and what they were saying; so I’m somewhat of an Expert understanding the subconscious message; so please do get in touch with any queries (details at the bottom). One of the clues I feel is that it is all very subconscious and most people don’t really know what “message” they’re conveying to others. So it’s the people who “dare to” take a look at themselves and understand more consciously how they’re coming across whether they like what they discover, or not, who are the people who gives themselves an advantage. That is, an advantage to first of all knowing how they’re coming across and how it’s being received, plus how the recipient is likely to respond. If you know this information you may make a different choice – right?
Christian Carter also puts forward the fact that; “whether your Body Language is opened, or closed makes a heck of a lot of difference in who pays attention to you”. People whose Body Language is open tend to be more positive, relaxed and confident; all very attractive qualities that people look for in a potential partner. Whereas people who display very closed Body Language (unless you’re freezing cold!) tend to be more up-tight, negative and lacking in confidence. As unfair as it may seem these are not deemed attractive characteristics in a potential “mate”.
In his book, The Luck Factor, Richard Wiseman (he really is a very wise man!) interviewed people about how lucky, or not they deemed themselves and then he looked for their corresponding characteristics. Very interestingly the men in Richard Wiseman’s study who considered themselves to be lucky all seemed to know within the first few moments of meeting that they had found their life-time partner. This was not decided through any exchange of words; it was purely down to Body Language vibes. Image how this would affect our choices if we understood this information on a more conscious level?
Very interestingly one of my Twitter followers, purely from his head and shoulders photo, I could tell that he was very “alpha male” (NB there’s no romance between us!). After becoming Facebook friends with him; everything he wrote on his profile supported the opinion I had of him being very alpha male. The reason I am mentioning this is because; from a virtual perspective I feel I know him pretty well, however in reality I don’t really know him at all – we’ve never met, we just virtually know each other. How interesting that from a mere head and shoulder photograph that I was able to tell so much about him. This is very significant for people seeking a partner through online dating. Firstly it would make someone really think about what photo of themselves to use for their profile based on the message each photo conveys. Secondly, it’s goes towards proving that when we “skip over people” it’s more than just their physical appearance that we feel adverse too. I have done a little online dating in the past and I can tell you that it definitely isn’t just about physical appearance that will make me skip over a profile; it the Body Language that’s being transmitted that makes the decision and I feel so lucky to be consciously aware of that process.
I hope I’ve given you some understanding of the subconscious selection process that takes place, especially when people are choosing a life time partner. As I’ve mentioned; please do get in touch if you would like more information.
Enjoying a Happy and Lasting Relationship: This is basically the next step; once you’re dating that great partner; how do you keep the relationship happy and vibrant so it lasts? As I put forward in the previous section positivity is a desired characteristic and people who are positive tend to naturally understand the important of keeping a relationship fresh and vibrant; whereas more negative people tend to find it a chore. Have you ever heard a relationship described as a “chore” before? Or too much like “hard work”? If that’s how you view it does that sound attractive? – Would you want to be with someone remitting that vibe?
People who remit positive vibes through their Body Language and voice tone give others the distinct message that; “no matter what happens everything is always going to work out fine”. This is a very attractive message to a partner and someone who conveys this strongly will attract more potentially great partners and is in a good position to keep a relationship strong. Positive people also usually adopt a “growth mindset”; which means that they’re able learn and grow and move past anything that could potentially hold them back. People with a growth mindset don’t tend to get “hung up” about little things that don’t matter and are able to continually move forwards in life. They are also better able to accept another person’s view-point as they are more relaxed and confident within themselves and “who they are”. These are all very attractive qualities for a life-time partner.
The aim of Richard Wiseman’s book The Luck Factor was to outline the main characteristics of people who considered themselves to be both lucky and unlucky. This is because he wanted to know; what makes us lucky and can we do anything to create luck? You’ll be please to know that the answer is, “Yes”, we can create more luck for ourselves and it is through positive thinking and viewing situations from a perspective of potential opportunity rather than as a setback. Which way do you choose? – Do you see opportunities, or setbacks? You’re true feelings are given away in your Body Language; so can you see the difference it makes to keeping a great relationship happy and vibrant? Happy, successful parents also tend to have happy, successful offspring, especially if they are both more consciously aware of their Body Language and the significance it has on their relationship.
Very Interestingly on Christian Carter’s CD 15 Make or Break Moments with Men, his guest Expert Carol Allen puts forward that it’s the “snags” that can really test the true strength of a relationship. Think about it; when everything is going smoothly, even a relationship that may not be set to last will be going well. It’s the “snags”, as Carol Allen puts it that really can provide the make, or break factor. What does your Body Language and voice tone say about how you will handle any disagreements? Also, during any disagreements does your Body Language convey openness to hearing what your partner is really saying and a willingness to move forwards together, or is it more closed (NB on its own agenda) and frustrated? Which type of person is will make a great parent? Also, what type of person do you think a great partner will want to stay with?
I hope I have shed some light on this for you demonstrated how it is more than just opinion based; there is a “science” to our Body Language!
How You Interact with Your Children: As I mentioned in the opening few paragraphs, it was the inconsistencies in what my parents said and their Body Language that set me on the whole path of learning about success and human nature. One thing I want to underline her is that babies and very young children definitely pick up subconsciously on Body Language signals. To the challenge of my poor parents I just happened to have a more conscious awareness, even from very young – I still remember certain things vividly and I am so please that I mange give it constructive meaning. Please note that I was an adult when I learnt to do this and as a child it was the cause of a lot of frustration and arguments – This is not constructive for any child and I remember feeling very held back. I recognise now how much everything taught me and am filled with gratitude to be in a position to share this information.
Believe it or not – and I know it’s true because I consciously do it, (probably why I’m still single!) – we actually select our lifetime partner partly based on whether they would co-create healthy, successful offspring. So consciously, or subconsciously we are already preparing (or not) our children for success by the partner we choose. As I demonstrated in the previously section how open Body Language tells an individual how you are likely to deal with adversity; this also tells your partner a lot about the type of parent you will be and an “open” parent ready and willing to receive all the ups and downs of parenting is definitely a huge advantage to your children. As a parent it is important to accept the genuine nature of your children and be ready and willing to help them through the ups and downs of life.
Also very success people equip their children with the right attitude and approach to life so they learn how to handle life for themselves. Believe me; this can most definitely be done largely through Body Language. It’s actually very powerful when you are able to transmit a message mainly through Body Language and voice tone as it’s received on a more subconscious level as well as a conscious level. This means that the child will subconsciously pay more attention to the message long after it has been conveyed because it’s been communicated on such an innate, deep-rooted level that tends to bypass most resistance. This definitely empowers you to feel as if you know how to help your children and will subconsciously create more attraction between you and your partner. This is because it’s attractive when someone demonstrates they know how to handle life, particularly when they are able to turn a potentially “stressful” situation into a positive outcome. This can also subconsciously encourage men to do more for their partners so they feel needed and assured that your relationship will continue.
In his book, What Every Body is Saying, ex FBI Agent Joe Navarro puts forward a strategy of how to speak to children when having to reprimand them. He outlines that it’s important from a Body Language perspective to look them directly in the eye so they subconsciously know to pay attention to what you’re saying; otherwise they won’t be listening and this is when you get recurring situations. I have definitely found this to be true and have always instinctively done this, plus I’ve observed parents struggle when they’re not aware of this simple strategy. It’s also worth noting; would it be fair to reprimand children in this situation for not listening??
This is also, supported by recent research that actually also puts forward the importance of good eye-contacted regardless of what your communicating to your child – even from as young as 3-6 months otherwise children just don’t know your talking to them. I’ve always given eye-contact when communicating with babies and it definitely make a clear difference; they become more alert and begin to develop listening skills and focus – vastly different from the image most people have of a small baby.
In conclusion, the Body Language we convey will determine what type of partner we marry/settle down with, how we are likely to conduct our relationships and what type of parent we are likely to be. Basically, our Body Language is the key to how we are perceived by others and in turn will determine how other people respond to us. People aware of this have a distinct advantage over people who are not and are thus able to make more informative choices to create the type of lifestyle they choose. This is an inevitable advantage to the whole “Family Team”.
For more information please email me at; firstname.lastname@example.org or contact me through Twitter/ Instagram @FamilyTeamCoach, or find me on LinkedIn/ Facebook as Paula-Elizabeth Jordan, thank-you.
Paula-Elizabeth Jordan is a Montessori trained Child-Development Expert who’s passionate about helping “Family Teams” work together for the benefit of each other, as this is how successful, well-balanced, happy children are raised. She has been Montessori trained for over ten years now and also has a degree in Theology with an Art minor. She is presently writing her own book entitled; “How to Bring up A Successful Human-Being”. www.paulaelizabeth.com