How to split the housework and chores

As a husband, I find the chores and housework distribution system to be an area within the relationship that has the potential to create some serious negative feelings. I am the one in the relationship that likes the house to be clean. Now this does not mean my partner doesn’t like a clean house, it just means I am more motivated to do something about the mess. I also happen to be much quicker at cleaning than she is and therefore end up doing the majority of the cleaning. Based on our work schedules, I also do the majority of the cooking during the week as well as the grocery shopping.

Now there are times when this annoys me, when I feel like I am doing it all. It only takes a small comment on my part for her to remind me that she makes sure the kids’ teeth are brushed daily and that she does the flossing and then puts them to bed. She makes their lunches each day and takes care of all scheduling, doctors appointments, play dates…etc.

So when I really look at it, I would say that we do a great job supporting each other as parents and covering the things that we are either faster at, more meticulous about, or things that the other person simply does not enjoy at all.

In this vain, I try to remember the saying that “fair does not mean equal.” Meaning we do not each need to do the same chores, we need to split the responsibilities so everything gets done.

If one parent was sitting around and not contributing at all, then I imagine this would be a larger issue and take more consideration and conversation to determine why. Since that is not the case, I just keep in mind, that while I may not love all the chores I do, she does not love all the ones she does. In that…we are equal.

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