Praising children when they do the right thing
Went out last night with the kids and watched as my young son did a perfect job ordering his meal. He was forthcoming with pleases and thank you’s and very polite throughout the process.
When we got home, I made sure to compliment him on his manners. Do others agree that it is good to reinforce these behaviors, to praise the child or do you let it go as this is expected????
such a challenge to know the right method of praise or no praise! I heard a fantastic speaker recently talking about whether we should praise our kids. She spoke about how all of us adults today constantly seek out others’ approval, and do we really want our kids to do that? It made me think for sure!
One great thing I learned in my undergrad Child Psych class was how to praise. Saying to a child, “You must be so proud of yourself for…As opposed to saying, “I am so proud of you for.” It gives the child more ownership for the accomplishment. This next thought is connected to good choices. I recently learned from Common Sense Parenting that when recognizing a good choice , especially one you would like to see continue , it is important to let the child know how the decision impacted you. “I noticed today you did not get upset when I asked you pick up your toys. Next time you want to play with a lot of toys at once I am going to let you because I know you will pick them up when asked.”
I think as long as the praise is honest and appropriate
such as the quick compliment , at home, should definitely be done for our children
what I don’t agree with is the exaggerated compliments for EVERYTHING
“oh Johnny what a great job you did zipping up your jacket while it is so cold out”
Dr. Jen, thank you for this. This is really helpful when dealing with praise, expectations and children. I always struggle with what are the words to say that will let them know I am proud, but make the accomplishment their own and feel the internal pride.