A Husband’s Perspective on Romance After Having a Baby

It makes you wonder how couple have more than one child, as to whether the romance seems to end after you have the first one. You are generally left feeling tired and run down, and this is just from the mother who is spending most of her time taking care of the little human. The baby doesn’t sleep for long periods of time and when they are awake they are eating. A breastfeeding mother is left tired and drained for these first two months, and has a hard time getting back into regular duties around the house, let alone thinking of returning to work as many mothers now do. So the romance itself isn’t dead and gone, but rather on hold, and it takes both partners in the relationship to make it happen.


First the spouse needs to take part in as much of the baby activity as possible. This takes some weight off the shoulders of the mother, which she will greatly appreciate. Then the romance will have to come from the spouse for a little while as well until the mother gathers her bearings a little and realizes what you are doing. Make breakfast, but add some flowers to hers. Give a little card that says how much you love and appreciate her. If you have someone that can look after the baby for a few hours, take your lady out for lunch or breakfast and just look into her eyes and talk. This is sometimes more romantic than a dinner date or going to the movies, and is much more appreciated at times. A simple walk through a park, or the beach is always a romantic gesture as well, whether or not you bring baby along.


As the romance in your relationship gets you both more in the mood, you might have to be a little creative when it comes to the hanky panky. If the baby is sleeping in the room with you at least for a little while, you need to keep real quite so you don’t wake the baby. Otherwise you might have to use a different room in the house. The relationship could use a little more creative thinking if you have several kids, as lovemaking might be fewer and farther between bouts. Think outside the box, such as waking up in the middle of the night, or before the kids wake up in the morning. Shower time could be a little more fun if you have the doors locked and the kids are self-sufficient.


My wife and I have three children, and while the same rules have always applied after each one. Help with the baby, leave her alone to heal for a couple of months, and be supportive. The relationship is always romantic if you keep those things in mind while never going to bed angry. Most important, be completely random with your affection, to each other. A small gift without it being a holiday, or a passionate kiss out the door goes a long way.