By Cindy Romer, Yellowbrick Accredited Divorce Coach
There is hurt when dissolving a marriage. A break up used to be a personal matter but in a world where we check Facebook more times than the mirror, we all know each other’s business.
While we are navigating a divorce, it can be the most unhappy, lonely times of our life and meanwhile “perfect” lives loom everywhere. The majority of online posts are of seemingly the happiest moments. But I say “seemingly” because that’s all we can tell. In a recent selfie with my preteen daughter… no one knew 10 minutes before we had spoken hurtful words with a lot of yelling. She couldn’t find her favorite brush, broke her hair tie and was upset that I bought the wrong hair spray. There are no story book lives but the perception weighs heavy.
An overloaded rough day; possibly finding out your spouse is dating or lawyer discussions didn’t go in your favor, add scrolling through Facebook and it could be very difficult to resist the urge to post negative feelings. Lambasting your soon to be ex on line will only cause more drama and damage, reducing your optimal divorce results.
Bashing your ex online:
*Once it’s out there you cannot take it back.
*In the end, you never look good making someone else look bad.
*Children can be devastated by your posts.
*You could be judged by the use of your words.
*The content you’re sharing could be detrimental to your divorce case.
In the heat of a bad moment we may feel our thoughts and actions are out of control and physiologically there IS just cause. Our primitive brain, “the Reptilian brain” is constantly scanning for threats to our survival, this especially includes emotional threats. When it finds a threat (stress), we experience an elevated heart rate, increased perspiration, and rising levels of stress hormones. The flight or fight reaction are the choices we have… fight (as in revenge) or hide away. All of our energies go towards this stress. Our thinking and feeling part of the brain shuts down, we are hijacked… we must give ourselves plenty of time to calm and become rational again.
Who or where can we turn to protect ourselves from making knee jerk reactions:
*Turn off and unplug from social media for a while.
*Write your thoughts on paper, get out everything that’s on your mind, write a book.
*Run or walk and Listen to your favorite music, give yourself time to think.
*Do you know someone who has gone through a divorce, call them. These people will understand your mindset and are more than willing to talk with you, their empathy alone can be a comfort.
*Channel your energy and start defining who you want to be… look ahead, take the high road and crystalize your future.
– Cindy Romer, Yellowbrick Accredited Divorce Coach